February 2012
“ugh i wish i lived in the 50s and 60s”
– white people and white people only
last night i made bad decisions on a roof top and now i’m covered in bruises and don’t have my phone. but it’s so nice outside and i just wish i had a pb&j sandwich and someone to go hiking with me.
friend: someone told me you look like an owl
me: who?
the whole class bursts into a roaring flame of laughter. tears start to fall from their eyes from laughing so hard. the principal walks in the room and slaps his knee. the local animals come in and create waves of laughter. god is laughing so hard he cant breathe. jesus starts clapping his hands and cracking up. the laughter dies down after about 2 hours, and everybody goes home with the memory of the funniest joke they've ever heard.
i like when the phone rings in the office
and i don’t even pretend like i’m going to get it, the other girl just automatically answers.
i’m the worst employee
